The Lion
And now for something different. But not that different.
I'm interrupting the "Malcolm In The East" bit to share a story that brought Ali great amusement at the last blogger happy hour. He told me to blog about it, and I always trust Ali's instincts since he's the one who told me to blog about Bobby Brown and it became my most popular post. So if Ali says to blog it, I blog it.
Years back when I was still single, I was hitting the bar scene in the Lower East Side. My friend and I were in one bar, and we came across this African guy. I don't remember how it started because we were all trashed, but at some point this African guy starts giving us his philosophy of men. It was along the lines of "Men are noble creatures. Society has made men like women. It's made men afraid of their own shadows and afraid of what they really want. We were born to be hunters, it is our instinct, it is who we are." This was the greatest pro-man pep talk we ever heard. And his deep African voice and accent just made it sound that much more regal and inspiring.
"You are a lion!" he continued, his voice rising majestically. "Do not settle! If you want something, go for it! Fight for it! You deserve the best, if you see a beautiful woman, remember you are a lion and go over to her! Don't be afraid, you are a hunter, a proud lion, this is your birthright. Don't let society emasculate you!" We spoke a little while longer, and at this point our confidence level was peaking.
After the African guy left us, we were still on a self-esteem high. At that point Angelina Jolie could have walked in, and I would have stepped to her like she was just a chick from around the way. This guy was like Tony Robbins for drunk guys trying to hook up. This was around midnight, the crowd is bustling, there are hot girls aplenty, our confidence is soaring...it had all the makings of a classic night.
Then 3:30 AM hits. The herd is thinning. All the prime females have left, not many choices remain. My friend and I are well beyond coherent at this point and are just having a casual drunken conversation with each other. We look over at the other end of the bar and see our new African friend talking to this short, stocky pasty-complexioned overweight girl. No debate on this one, this girl is pretty awful looking.
We didn't plan on saying anything to him or blowing up his spot, but he looked at us, and our expressions must have given away what we were thinking because he immediately walked over. He leaned in close and said slowly, in a low voice, "Sometimes the lion must eat grass." Then he walked away.
I'm sure there's a life lesson in there somewhere, but I'm not sure what it is.
posted by T. @ Wednesday, December 27, 2006
24 Comments
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24 Comments:
"Sometimes the lion must eat grass."
That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard. I assume that you have read White Dade's post about us trying to win the fabled "Belt" so you can see how I can relate to that quote. Going back to what the African guy said originally, you should check out this book called Self-Made Man by Nora Vincent. She's a lesbian who dresses up like a guy for a year to see how we interact with women. Surprisingly, the tone of the book is very pro-male and makes a lot of good insights. I think you'd enjoy it.
ha ha ha!!!!
sometimes the lion must eat grass and other things to...
great post!
i think you meant "smoke grass". right??
Straight Nietzsche...just in reverse - he was fascinated with the de-feminization of women...the way women strive to keep up with men and lose the inherently beautiful femininity that sets us apart from men...
I'd never thought about that in reverse...I think Lion Man is right - my husband would probably agree (or he just likes to make fun of the "blouse-wearing sissies that pile on "grandma perfume" and shop for shoes with their girlfriends)...
That is one flippin fantastic quote, though...smart guy to call it like it is...he could have spouted some lame platitudes about the hidden lioness inside of repressed, awful-lookin chicks, but he called it like it was...cheers to Lion Man :)
My pal used to say something similiar to me. When I was in college I didn't do to well with girls my first year. I had TOO high of standards. I was a broke, chubby comic book nerd hitting on the hottest girls.
My roommate said to me, " John, You love your filet mignon, but sometimes you have to go to the Wendy's Drive Through".
Great advice.
Of course, you know that the Lion is only in a 'position' to have sex once a year, don't you?
Earlier this year I heard some guys complaining that too many good-looking women have what they called the "Goldman Sachs syndrome" (the people pulling down the multi-million dollar year-end bonuses).
When I hear men talk about women in such a superficial, insulting manner, with absolutely no self-reflection, I figure the "Lions" and the "Lionesses" deserve each other.
Still, it was a funny story.
Johnson - Thanks for the tip on the book. I checked it out of the library yesterday, it looks pretty good so far.
VK - Son, now it's my turn to ask where YOU'VE been? Did you end up going to blogger happy hour with Roosh after all? I went and didn't see you.
Slinky - That's a whole nother post!
Heather - People keep telling me I'd like Neitzsche but I never got around to reading him. But yeah, Lion Man didn't miss a beat, classic quote.
Zen - that quote is on the money
Pi - the more I learn about the lion, the less impressed I get.
Anonymous - i thought it was us guys that came off looking bad in that story, not the ladies.
Whoa, the girl in that story eerily matches my own physical description. I hope to god I've never been the "awful-looking girl" character in anybody's funny anecdotes or else I'm hiding in my bedroom forever!
3Toe - I believe (I could be wrong) that I saw you at the last blogger happy hour. Didn't get a chance to say hello tho. But trust me, you look nothing like this girl, she was like a cross between a pit bull and a fire hydrant. And I was looking at her WITH beer goggles to boot!
Great line! Great story! Still, it makes me glad I'm no longer in the bar scene.
And that is a Johnny T. instant classic post. Thanks for trusting (animal) instincts.
I agree - this is a classic. I'm going to think (and laugh) about this every time I'm in a bar around last call.
Also, thanks for sharing your beer at Blogmukkah. I don't think I properly thanked you!
Now, how y'alls knows I wernt that gal an' wuzn't jus' testin' Mulfasa there?
Sombodder git me another beer, pleez
rrruuuurrrppp
man, the african guys out here in japan, and there are LOTS of them, do not give a shit what they go after. they're not so much the "lion" as much as they're the "catfish" -- bottom feeders who will eat anything.
Excellent post - Mufasa was bang on the money! Be proud, upstanding... but allow yourself to be humble now and again.
That analogy needn't apply only to pulling dodgy-looking birds.
Nothing to do with your post, but this came in an email today. Made me giggle. Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals; and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Army soldiers, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
I love the blog that you have. I was wondering if you would link my blog to yours and in return I would do the same for your blog. If you want to, my site name is American Legends and the URL is:
http://www.americanlegends.blogspot.com
If you want to do this just go to my blog and in one of the comments just write your blog name and the URL and I will add it to my site.
Thanks,
Mark
Well, I don't have a blog to pimp, but I do want to say you need to finish your damn Malcom in the East epic!
Hey buddy. I, too, would like to put in a request for you to finish Malcolm in the East. I understand if you have blogger burn out (I had a blog for a year and a half and got sick of it), but you got me hooked. I really want to know what happened.
Cheers.
Come baaaack.
Add me to the list of people wanting to see you come back T.
Nice blog. I will keep reading. Please take the time to visit my blog about Free Guitar Lesson
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